Unified Patriots by Nessa
If I can steal and adapt a line from Robin Williams, the weather here is cold and shitty with further cold and shitty in the forecast. Its been snowing since I left for work this morning and is forecast to continue till noon tomorrow. Of course it started twelve hours before it was forecast to… Hell, it’s like getting weather reports from Leonardo DiCaprio and manbearpig. We’ll get what we get, it’s not like shitty weather is a surprise, this is Minnesota, the native Sioux told us stupid white people it meant “laughing water” and still laugh to this day because in the native Lakota language Minnesota means “shitty winter asshole-deep in snow and colder than a witch’s tit in a brass bra.” That’s a rough translation but it is accurate, why do you think the Black Hills are their sacred lands? I’ll either go to work tomorrow or not, personally I’m hoping for not but I doubt it. Last year we got a pretty heinous little storm, ten or twelve inches, I looked outside and decided I’d look like a pussy if I called in, so I left for work. That’s the same reason that accounts for fifteen or twenty of my exits from an aircraft while in flight, I’d have turned around and told ’em to kiss my ass except I’d have looked like a pussy, at least if I died on impact folks would say, “That MF’er had big f’ing balls.” Sometimes life only gives you a choice between shitty and shittier, it’s up to you to decide which is which. So back to the snowstorm, two miles down the road I decided it was too shitty to continue. There was only one problem with that decision. I was following the tracks of an earlier travelling four-wheel drive truck and I could tell if I turned off those tracks I’d be stuck like Chuck. The damn tracks led all the way to work. Some days nothin’ goes right.
That rule holds true across the spectrum, some days nothin’ goes right. I can’t find footage of Johnny Cash kickin’ out the footlights at the Grand Ol’ Opry in 1965 but here he is paying a little homage to that drunken, pissed-off brilliant moment. God bless his rebellious ass[…]
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