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Conservative Hideout

In a groundbreaking move today the Environmental Protection Agency declared that human beings are a contaminant on Earth.

“The science is settled.  The evidence is overwhelming” declared EPA administrator Gina McCarthy.

Unless personkind is eliminated the world will be a unlivable polluted hellhole before long.  Time is running out.  We must take action.  Mother Earth cries out to us. The time of personkind is over.  The time of the apes has begun.  I mean, people do bad things to my mother Earth.

Accordingly the EPA has presented Executive Order 1376 to President Obama calling for the gradual elimination of mankind. Under the Executive Order effective immediately a “one-child’ policy will be implemented in the United States.  All women who are currently pregnant will be allowed to carry their pregnancy to term if, and only if, they have no other children.  Those who are pregnant but have other children will have abortions (covered under the Affordable Care Act.)  Those who have yet to have children will be sterilized.

Naturally we wanted to sterilize all women immediately but we feared the Republican majority in the House.  By allowing first-time breeders to have their children we bypassed Republican opposition. 

Stage two of the Executive Order will be implemented in 2020.  Under Stage Two those deemed nonviable or redundant will be taken to Earth Wellness centers to be terminated.

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