After much consternation, delay, setback, and varied frustrations associated with saying goodbye to last year I am pleased to finally conclude the final installment of the “2012 Year in Review”. Since the first section was published last week, I received several e-mails asking, “Hey Moos, are you okay?”, “Did the aliens (space aliens) finally ‘get’ you?”, and my personal favorite, “Do you have the $20 you owe me?” Coincidentally, I also received several from an attorney in Nigeria who tells me that HE owes me LOTS of money.
I only responded to this second group of ‘latter’ messages and I’m really hoping that it works out as I could use lots of money. As it turns out, regardless of how much I have, there are always people looking for more of it…
Oh, yes and I’m fine. Thanks for asking! I took a bit of an hiatus to enjoy the holidays and to spend time with family. After doing so, I determined that I do like them quite a bit. This is not particularly a surprise as I’ve known THEM for years.
What is surprising is that after knowing ME for years, and yes, they still put up with… Me.
CHECKLIST FOR TODAY’S POST:
- Explain why I haven’t been around… CHECK
- Make obligatory joke about Nigerian Attorney’s letter… CHECK
- Self-deprecating humor… CHECK
- Angle glasses so that I can more effectively see monitor… CHECK
Checklist complete, let’s begin today’s journey into the ancient past, the dark and scary place I like to call…
“The Second Half of 2012” Wooooooooo Woooooooo…
Scared yet? You should be. Come on, hold my hand, we’re going back in time…
JULY 2012: Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, bum, bum, bum, bum, te, dum, da, da, da, de, bum! As you probably already figured out, this opening salvo of joyous sound heralds in the 2012 Summer Olympics!!! (Go ahead and re-read the preceding with the sound of the blaring horns of the intro music for the Olympics playing loudly in your mind. I think that I got it right, although I may have missed a ‘bum’ or two in my translation. Ah, but don’t worry, plenty of ‘bums’ at the 2012 Summer Olympics and we’ll get to them – soon enough…)
The 2012 Summer Olympics in London, England were AWESOME! Sure, the US won a bunch of medals, but who cares about that? I’m talking about the OTHER awesome stuff going on behind the scenes of the Olympics: LOTS of Olympic condoms, naked women volleyball players (with photo!), tough-semi-naked boxers (female, of course), and ‘Thurston and Lovey’ Howells as far as the eye can see!
Yes, it’s all here in my favorite post from the month of July… “THE THRILL OF VICTORY, THE AGONY OF DEFLATE”
And, if I do say so myself, this post is chock full of smut, filth, and yes, towards the end, fashion tips (all of Olympic proportion).
I’m not sure if Durex will be the official sponsors of the 2016 Summer Olympics, but if they pass, I’m sure the folks at Planned Parenthood could pick up the slack for them…
Hey, speaking of ‘Slackers’?!?!
AUGUST 2012: Ah, yes, here they are now. The walking, talking, crying, shouting, and otherwise ‘Untouchable-Whining-Vaginas-of-August’.
If you were to hold a serious national conversation about an issue near and dear to your, um, heart, would YOU do it dressed as a body part? No, probably not, but that’s exactly what these folks did. Why? Because evil Republicans want women to have children (ALL THE TIME UNTIL THEY’RE 92 YEARS OLD!) a group of brave (and amazingly misguided women (and men)) braved the dog days of August dressed as giant walking labias to make their point. Um, whatever THAT was. Rather than re-invent the wheel coming up with new text regarding this post, I’ll excerpt what I wrote back in August here – I really can’t think of anything better to write about these ‘Southern’ Extremists for FREE Stuff from the Government…
Here’s the thing, if you had a shred of self-respect, would you don a bright pink (or fabulous Earthen-tone) Vagina and show up in public to get Media coverage for a DCCC inspired make-believe war on women?
No, I’m thinking you probably wouldn’t.
But then again, I’m thinking that MOST people wouldn’t, you know, mostly because:
a. it’s ‘icky’,
b. a Vagina costume HAS to be hot, (in SOOOOO many ways)
c. and family members may find this video in the future and ask, “Um, Marge, I thought you gave up drugs in the 70’s – didn’t you?”
My favorite quote from the embedded video clip? “My Mother always told me to really appreciate women and to appreciate the vagina, because that’s where I come from…”
Yeah, me too…
You can relive the magic of August, 2012 by reading all of THE VAGINA IDEALOGUES.
SEPTEMBER 2012: Many people continue to be confused as to HOW more people filing unemployment claims equals a national unemployment rate which goes DOWN… I too, once scratched my head over this unseemly mathematical conundrum – it was then that I decided to look into the logic behind this situation.
I wrote the post originally in February of 2010 and updated it again for the September (pre-election) SURPRISE DROP in the national Unemployment Rate! The unemployment rate has changed since September of 2012 of course, but in Washington, DC the LOGIC never does. If you’d like to find out how we got to the current 7.8% unemployment rate, don’t even try. No one cares, the numbers are bogus, AND you’d be wasting your time expending your mental horsepower trying to get to the same number as published by the BLS. Contrary to popular belief, the Unemployment Algorithm has NOTHING to do with a the use of a “Magic Feather”. I am not, however, ruling out the possibility that Never Land is somehow involved in the BLS mystical formulation of Unemployment Percentages.
For more on how Unemployment is calculated, please follow this link: “HOW TO CALCULATE UNEMPLOYMENT”
OCTOBER 2012: I take no joy in telling you that more than four months after the attack on the US Embassy in Benghazi – nothing has changed. Well, this discounts the fact that Secretary of State Clinton has, since being asked to testify on December 20th, 2012 she has:
- Had a bad case of the Benghazi flu
- Had a concussion
- Had a blood clot
- Had no time to explain what happened to our embassies and why we did nothing to stop our citizens from being tortured and killed
The parents and families of those who died still have no answers as to why they needed to pay the ‘ultimate price’ in service to our Nation. But, in the scheme of things, our Nation does not appear to care, as evidenced by the lack of follow-through on this topic, its absence from reporting in the Media, the results of the November elections, and an ongoing fascination with its planned dis assemblage of the 2nd Amendment by the Obama Administration.
Perhaps if the Obama Administration had mandated the removal of guns, RPGs and grenades in Libya, our representatives would still be alive today? Oh, that’s right, ‘bad guys’ aren’t subject to the law, only law-abiding citizens are…
For a timeline of events of the September 11th, 2012 ‘spontaneous-anti-Muslim-video-caused-attacks’ on our embassies, you can check out: “THE BENGHAZI SHUFFLE”
NOVEMBER 2012: I guess I could have picked any of the other posts from November, 2012 to place here, but I chose this one for a very specific reason… It has nothing to do with the November election. Yeah, that wound is still a bit open, and sore as I type this on January 7th, 2013.
Okay, it’s time for YOU to be President (for approximately 32 seconds)! Faced with reducing US spending, do you:
a. Reduce ‘wasteful’ spending,
b. Send pink slips to men and women committed to serving our country,
c. Double-down on the ‘failed green policies of the past’,
d. Guarantee loans for third-world Muslim countries to produce ‘Green Energy’ there,
e. All answers except ‘a’ above.
If YOU answered ‘a.’ you would be…
If you answered either: b., c., d., or e. You COULD BE President of the United States for the next 32 seconds! (So sorry, but your time is now up!!! We hope you liked Hawaii and AirForce One.)
Yes, while the US Economy runs into the Recession Ice Cream Parlor and screams, “Better Make it a Double!!!”, your Commander in Chief decides to lay off a bunch of Marines while investing in Green Energy here, and in places inhabited by people who ‘kind of, sort of’ HATE us.
You see, in actuality, you would NOT be a good replacement for President Obama as only he could have come up with this delightfully, deceptively, and disgusting original plan for the continued dismantling of America. And I respectfully give him a ‘D’ for his performance, which as we all knows stands for ‘Drive’ which also stands for ‘Democrat’ going over the cliff in a bus on which we all have reserved seating.
Read, if you must, “Guns vs. Butter 2012”
DECEMBER 2012: As we closed out 2012 I once again posted My Christmas Story for the Fifth Year in a row. Why? Because I like it. What don’t I like? Well, how about the fact that after 50+ years of social engineering by the Federal and State Government, ‘Fathers’ turn out to be on the endangered species list, right along with my little friend shown above, the Chittenango Ovate Amber Snail.
Yes, while everyone was putting up their trees, wrapping gifts, and otherwise being all ‘Festive’, I found out from an article online, dated December 25th, from the Washington Times online that ‘Fathers’ are in woefully short supply in 2012 America. Not that there ‘aren’t’ Fathers, but rather, there are a lot of men who ‘do the deed’ and then, simply, move on to leave the raising of the child to the Mother, and the Step-Father, “Uncle Sam”. This didn’t surprise me, but I really didn’t need to read about it on Christmas Day. But hey, that’s just me.
If you’d like to read about it today (to really mess up your 2013!), you can click to visit the post in full here at: MOVE OVER CHITTENANGO OVATE AMBER SNAIL, YOU’VE GOT COMPETITION
I leave you now with Best Wishes for the New Year, the Hope (that things don’t get weirder), and sincere thanks to all of you who have read, visited, and commented throughout the year.
Be nice to each other, for we are all we have. And for this, I am extremely grateful.
Mike (a.k.a. “Moos”)
p.s.: In case you’re wondering, “Where do we go from here?” I offer the following graphic, and my condolences…
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