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LIFE’S TOP TEN REALITIES:

LIFE’S TOP TEN REALITIES:

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NUMBER 10 Life is sexually transmitted. NUMBER 9 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. NUMBER 8 A Man has two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich. NUMBER 7 Give a person a fish and…

Apple does it again !

Apple does it again !

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Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The iTit will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size. This is considered a major social breakthrough … Because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.…

Christmas Gift?

Christmas Gift?

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Fishy Note: You may want to use the bathroom before reading this! I laughed so hard tears were running down my cheeks. Enjoy   Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this: Last…

Rosie.. dumb as ever

Rosie.. dumb as ever

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Since exiting The View Rosie O’Donnell has continued to occasionally find her way to television screens and media outlets via headlines in celebrity gossip magazines,   a show on the new Oprah Winfrey Network, and occasional guest appearances on Curb Your Enthusiasm.  Appearing on the HLN show of her former fellow left-leaning colleague of the The View, Joy Behar, O’Donnell gave…

Ladies Stay Out Of The Produce Section

Ladies Stay Out Of The Produce Section

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I just can’t pass this one up. Seems some muslim cleric has decided certain fruits and veggies can make a woman have “unpure” thoughts. Oh yeah, those cukes are giving me nasty thoughts, you know, like crap I have to cut all these up and make salad for dinner.   I…

Better Than the Flu Shot!!!

Better Than the Flu Shot!!!

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Better than a Flu Shot!    Miss Beatrice, The church organist, Was in her eighties And had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him…

Grandma Got Run Over By obamacare!

Grandma Got Run Over By obamacare!

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Uploaded by harvolson on Aug 25, 2009 Grandma Got Run Over By Obama A song parody from the 8-17-09 Fred Thompson Show (56:30), set to an appropriate slideshow of images [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUThqI98DiI&feature=player_embedded[/youtube]  …

Mary Mary how does you garden grow

Mary Mary how does you garden grow

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One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, ‘Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in ‘Slim Fast’. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!’   His wife  was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn’t let such a comment…

Catholic Dog:

Catholic Dog:

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Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.. One day the dog died,     and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, ‘Father, my dog is dead… Could ya’ be saying’ a     mass for the poor creature?’ Father Patrick replied, ‘I’m afraid not; we…

YES, IT’S GOOD TO LAUGH:

YES, IT’S GOOD TO LAUGH:

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The Irishman said to the priest, ‘Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.’ The priest said, ‘Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box.’…

Bad Bird

Bad Bird

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A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a very bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every phrase out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only…

Guts Vs Balls

Guts Vs Balls

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Slightly off color. I hope no one is offended. I laughed my butt off.       Guts vs. Balls Distinction between Guts and Balls To those of you who are nit-pickers about the meaning of words: there is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We’ve all heard about…

Mangy Moose

Mangy Moose

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OK this one made me laugh!   Some guys from Maine dressed their truck up with a guy spread-eagled on the roof of the truck. The driver and passenger put on moose heads. Down the Maine interstate they went, causing about 16 accidents. They went to jail. Maine cops have no…

(Another) A Guy goes into a bar funny story

(Another) A Guy goes into a bar funny story

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Guy goes into a bar in Berwick, La. where there’s a robot bartender. The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Whiskey.” The robot brings back his drink and says to the man, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says,” 168.” The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space…